So I'm listening to more podcasts today (yeah, I know--surprising, right?) and one of the guys on an old episode of Art and Story says something that sticks to me. He's quoting someone he can't remember. He says that he heard a quote once that went, "What you practice everyday is what you will become."
And that really hit me. It made me realize, "Wow. What am I practicing at this point in my life?"
I thought of the obvious answers--blogging to be sure! But also my craft--Sewing. Designing. Drawing. Painting. And reading, and writing and time management and self-discipline... Any number of different things...!!
And then I remembered that my job as a technician at the San Diego Opera is ending soon. Their season is ending, so I'll be out of a job. And in the back of my head, I thought, "Practice!?! Who's gonna have time to do that? I've got to make a living! Now!!" I've been mentally preparing myself for my rapidly approaching state of unemployment by trying to set myself up into a busy, structured, home-working experience.
On the one hand my head says there is no room for practice in my life anymore. I will be relying up on my skills as an artist and costume designer/technician to "make it work." I will probably end up having to get a part-time supplemental job so I can at least have some form of income coming in, but by-and-large I will be relying upon my own skills and my own self-discipline to make it. Or be broken. I can certainly feel that the pressure is on.
And I'm not quite sure how to reconcile that.
From a certain perspective, "practice" is part of my job. That's what I do. I experiment as part of my art. There's a saying that you have to throw away 100 pieces before you can create something good, and 100 of those before you actually have something worth being deemed "art". Perhaps practice is indeed my job. Forever practicing. And that's scary. In my heart, I know that's what art is about, though. I know it.
And behind all of this is a feeling that there's some fundamental shift in my approach to what I'm doing with my life that could have a profound impact on my perception of who and what I am. And I'm not at all sure how to explain it or even elucidate.
But it's unlike anything I've felt before. It's out there. It's pending. I'm on the cusp of it.
How odd. What a weird sensation. LOL!
Oy, I gotta go finish up a project in my studio! Thanks for listenin', and Life Life With Relish!